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Never Eat Alone made Simple

Mark Goulston

I don’t know about you, but my mind doesn’t have much or possibly any space for new ideas, even when they are great. Unless I can distill them down into something that is bite-size and swallowable, I may like it, but it will never make it into my brain.

Keith’s ideas in Never Eat Alone are ideas I want to not only understand, but somehow get into my brain and then with some focus and fortitude get into my life via action. This is a work in progress, but here is a distillation of much of Keith’s message. I think it’s simple, but it’s not easy to follow because of all the clutter in my and probably your minds, that’s why I use his book as a guide.

Know where you want to go;
Identify the people who can help you get there;
Get with those people and help them succeed;
Let them reciprocate by helping you do the same;
Stay in regular contact with those people;
Enjoy mutual success and a great relationship.

The original title of Keith book, Never Eat Alone, was “You can’t get there alone,” but he deferred to his publisher’s instincts and “Voila!” a New York Times best seller. And Keith is right, you can’t get there alone. You can’t be successful on your own.

The key points are:

a) Know where you want to go - know what success looks like, so you’ll recognize it when you get there (and also realizing that few busy people want to take the time or put in the effort to help you figure out what you want to do or be when you grow up—that is your responsibility)
b) Identify the people who can help you get there
- when identifying people who can make introductions to help you get where you want to go, select people who by nature are either givers or at the least reciprocators (you can recognize them by thinking of the qualities of people in your life who turned out to be that way vs. the non-reciprocating takers and grabbers—ugh).
c) Get with those people and help them succeed
- the best way to get to those people is to figure out what you can do for them that will help them be much more successful/effective in their career, personal lives (i.e. help their kids), or in terms of their legacy (i.e. causes they are passionate about). Then figure out how to get to them by helping them to achieve what they want being your sole focus.
d) Let them reciprocate by helping you do the same
- when you do get to them and help them to succeed in any of the areas in c above, and if you have selected properly, they will then reciprocate. And when they do, have something specific they can help you with (don’t frustrate them by being unclear).
e) Stay in regular contact with these people
- design and keep to a plan that keeps you in regular contact with these people and regularly helping them to be successful.
f) Enjoy mutual success AND a great relationship.

Posted by markgoulston on June 10, 2006 | Permalink

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» Are you eating alone? from The Sebastian
I've just finished reading Keith Ferrazzi's book entitled Never Eat Alone a few weeks ago. I loved it and find myself applying the ideas from the book in my everyday life, over and over again. Each time I do it, they keep making more and more sense whil [Read More]

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Comments

Mark,
Thanks for helping my busy and cluttered brain sum up Keith's book. I really like how you laid out the steps. But I don't think you emphasized enough how important letter A. is. Without defining where you want to go none of the rest matters. Others can't help you get to where you're want to go if you don't even know where that is.

Keep up the work in progress.

Cory

Posted by: Cory Vandenberghe | Jun 10, 2006 1:32:14 PM

Great Summary Mark!

I read Keith's book a couple of months ago and I was preparing for a re-read since I too need to wrap my brain around the books most basic information.

I always recommend this book and when people ask me, what is it about I say, umm networking. And when they ask, what about networking? I tell them again how great it is. If it is the great book that I deem it as, I should be able to give them vaulable information that will help them in deciding it's a book worth reading. And you have given me that tool Mark.

Thanks!

Posted by: Tammy Perry | Jun 10, 2006 3:37:35 PM

To Cory and Tammy,

Thanks for taking the time to write. Keep the ball rolling and keep sending us input.

Best, Mark

Posted by: Mark Goulston | Jun 11, 2006 12:22:31 AM

That's a fantastic nutshell.

I do want to point out that Keith gives examples of reaching out for help that had nothing to do with giving back...other than making the most of the help. I forget where it was in his book (I'm on the road without my book), but he emphasized that we should *not* think that since we have nothing to offer a person, that it is inappropriate to ask for help.

In those cases, like with mentors, it is almost an unspoken "pay it forward" arrangement.

Of course, your point is dead on, and we should be thinking about ways we might be able to help at some point. I think of ways I might help my mentors, even if they really don't need it. But it is frustrating sometimes not being able to. That can't stop me from going to them.

Thanks,

Posted by: Michael Bachelor | Jun 11, 2006 9:24:57 PM

Thanks a bunch!

Posted by: Matthew Cornell | Jun 12, 2006 6:40:39 AM

Mark, thanks for reminding us of the main points of the book! I've read the book and thoroughly enjoyed it. It's one of the very few books that I would say "changed my life".

Michael: Just wanted to also mention, that Keith did mention something about "not keeping score". So, just because you have anything to offer doesn't mean you can't ask for help (like how his dad was brave enough to step up and ask the owner of the company for help to get his son into the good school) ... but also, to help everybody you can. Help them sincerely, and not expect something in return.

I also read Guy Kawasaki's book "The Art of the Start" (a book for startup founders) .. and in the last chapter titled something along the lines of "Being a mensch" -- says the same thing. Basically, help others -- that you know can't help you back.

Cheers!

Posted by: Jay Liew | Jun 13, 2006 10:07:48 AM

Thanks Jay,

I agree completely, even though that's a comfort zone thing that sometimes sneaks up on me if I don't think back to the book.

The example of his dad fits perfectly.

Posted by: Michael Bachelor | Jun 13, 2006 1:30:16 PM

Jay-

I'll second your promotion of Guy's book---great read as well.

There's also another intersting book I just read called One Phone Call Away---I'd recommed it as well.

It'd be nice if we could get a message board or forum for all the NEA fans...

JS

Posted by: Jeff | Jun 13, 2006 7:21:51 PM

Dear Mark,

After I read Never Eat Alone, I wrote to Keith, suggesting a few additional networking tools, such as leaving people with small mementos with your company's logo (e.g., baseball cap, stress ball) and networking with spouses at conventions to eventually get the attention of the speakers/presenters.

Two days later I received an incredible surprise when our Top 10 Best Selling Author was so kind and considerate to respond to me. Keith's e-mail proved that not only has an enormously successful person taken some time for me (who would classify as "the powerless" in his Michael Milken chapter), but that he was also open enough to hear my suggestions. And by doing so, this fine human being who has climbed so high on the proverbial ladder of life has shown the ultimate respect to a total stranger. Thank you Keith. And thank you Mark for allowing me to post.

Best regards,

Howard Tucker

Posted by: Howard Tucker | Jun 14, 2006 4:19:37 PM

Keith, re the change of title to "Never Eat Alone": When my two cousins (both retired and neither in business) saw your book on my coffee table, one thought the title referred to dieting...her logic was sound: she thought you were going to suggest ordering one serving, but "not eating it alone", thus cutting the calories.

The second assumption may be an idea for another book. Since I am on the road about half the time, often abroad, the feeling was that your book would be a guide on how to hook up with other single diners/travelers in specific cities who "never want to eat alone."

Sure you've heard these word plays a hundred times..this is probably #101, but the first for me!

Posted by: Howard Tucker | Jun 17, 2006 2:45:26 PM

Thanks very much for the summary, and reinforcement, Mark. For me it pointed out how I need some clarity in my interactions with people. At the beginning of the year I started an effort to connect with three new people a week for a year. It's been a huge change for me (a geek), and it's been incredible. Keith's book really got me started on it.

Posted by: Matthew Cornell | Jul 1, 2006 9:57:23 AM

Mark,

I just finsihed the book, and I'd like to chime in and thank you for your summary.

Thanks!

Posted by: Hammad Khan | Dec 27, 2006 8:16:03 AM

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