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Tip 93 – Connect For the Success of Your Child
You attended Back-To-School Night and you’re on helping-with-homework duty, but that's not all you should be doing this new school year. You should be building a relationship with your child’s teacher, who is an important person in your child's life. Public schoolteachers usually spend their own money on classroom supplies, so she would be grateful if you…
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Posted by Keith Ferrazzi on October 23, 2007 | Permalink
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That is great advice!
Posted by: Kyle Nowlin | Oct 24, 2007 9:04:16 AM
Ahem, or he/him...
Posted by: Coach Justice | Oct 24, 2007 9:10:20 AM
Wonderful advice; often too many times we take for granted the efforts and impact teachers make on the development of our kids; they are truely developing the future minds that will be taking care of us.
Not all parents will share their appreciation with the teacher, so if your child has some friends at school that you've noticed have benefited from the teachers influences, maybe pass on a complimentary note to that teacher about the benefits you have noticed in that students life as well.
It's the little things, many times more than not, that make the biggest impression.
Posted by: Allan Wich | Oct 24, 2007 9:20:17 AM
Ken:
You are spot on with this post! I used to take a day off each year to spend the day with my kids. At first, I thought the teachers might feel like I was spying, but it turned out they loved it.
My boys have mild learning disabilities and took advantage of special ed. resources. They both have been quite successful in and out of school. I credit the Special Ed. department at our high school and told the district superintendant. Not only did he pass along my comments, but my kids' former teachers each contacted me to express their appreciation at the support.
Special Ed. is the first to be cut when noney is tight. They are under the greatest pressure both to perform and to conform to strict guidlines and of course, have the highest percentage of behavioral problems. You can imagine what even a little encouragement means to them.
Posted by: Mark H. Hendricks | Oct 24, 2007 9:39:03 AM
Very well stated.
My experience in our schools is that often our teachers get more complaints and terse "suggestions" from parents than helpful information, so sending an article or other potential teaching aids would be a breath of fresh air!
Meanwhile, I find that meeting fellow parents in our classrooms is a fantastic networking opportunity for me (for both business and social reasons.) And having a strong relationship with the teacher, in turn, enables her/him to introduce me to other parents of interest to me.
So, everyone is a winner (parents, kids, teacher) when you develop a good relationship with the teacher.
Cheers, Bruce
Posted by: Bruce Schechter | Oct 24, 2007 9:52:00 AM
Love it and have been living it.
Posted by: Todd McKeever | Oct 24, 2007 9:53:01 AM
Speaking as a teacher, we don't always need kudos - not that they do any harm, mind you. Get to know the person that spends most of the day with your child. Also, and even maybe more important, is your interest in your child. It means so much to a teacher when a parent asks how the child is doing, what can be done at home to further his/her learning, how would their involvement at the school enhance the child's experience. . . An interested, involved parent makes a HUGE difference in a child's life both in and out of school.
Posted by: Judith Waits | Oct 24, 2007 9:59:32 AM
It's also a great idea to ask the teacher what supplies would be most helpful in the class room since they often end up buying paper, pencils, pens, tissues, things like that. Most teachers would rather have supplies than gifts for holidays, too! As for building a good relationship with the teacher? Teaches your child to do the same! Great advice.
Posted by: Mary | Oct 24, 2007 10:32:18 AM
relationships everywhere there are people! so good to get these emails. they offer surprises in just the right way. we have a new son on the way - he's coming at the speed of sound. best to you keith and all ferrazzi readers! -tom
Posted by: Tom Schreiber | Oct 24, 2007 10:34:20 AM
I wholeheartedly agree with you.
It's crazy not to let your child's teacher know who you are, that you are involved and want to be in the know. Every year I see fewer and fewer parents involved with their children and I know my sons teachers find it refreshing to have parents show some interest. Teachers want to be accountable to our children and to us as parents. Building this relationship keeps all parties in check, even our kiddos!
Posted by: Tracey | Oct 24, 2007 11:45:11 AM
Great post! Great points!
Posted by: Stephanie | Oct 24, 2007 11:52:40 AM
Right on brother.
Posted by: Bob Sheesley | Oct 24, 2007 1:23:56 PM
Excellent point, Keith. Another side of this point (Mary kind of touched on it) is that the children will take their cues on how to act towards the teacher based on what their parents think of the teacher (or teachers in general for that matter).
Posted by: Donnie Johnson | Oct 24, 2007 9:50:41 PM
At this point, I think we all agree that a parent MUST interact with their children's teachers. I have told every teacher that either of my children have ever had that they were free to call me at any time for any reason - nothing is insignificant. Like Allan Wich below, my son too, has special needs. He attended a regional HS district with 12,000 students in 6 schools; 1500 of these students were "classified". Believe me, if my wife and I did not advocate for my son, he would have been "lost in the sauce" (Allan, if you wish, please feel free to contact me to compare notes). Teachers and Administrators, by and large, do a fine job. In the end though, the school system will only be as good as the parents (read: taxpayers) demand it to be.
Posted by: Brian O'Connell | Oct 25, 2007 6:33:38 AM
Excellent piece of advice for parents !!
Posted by: dreamstogo | Oct 25, 2007 8:23:24 PM
Great reminder that relationship building should happen in every situation. Getting to know your kid's teachers is definitely something that you should do because you already have a common interest - your kids. By having common interests, you can connect on a deeper level with people.
Posted by: Jason Jacobsohn | Oct 25, 2007 8:59:03 PM
Over the past years while my childern where in school, I did donate articles to the teachers and extra napkins for children. Now that my grandson is in daycare I try to connect with the providers there as well. I am attending a local university where most of the instructors encourage the students to bring current articles on the topic of discussion. I am so glad to be apart of this site that Keith Ferrazzi has provided for insight and unified effort of networking within the business world. Thanks.
Posted by: Sarah Self | Oct 26, 2007 8:22:29 AM
Posted by: Sarah Self | Oct 26, 2007 8:24:15 AM
Volunteer in your child's classroom if you have the time. There is only one teacher and at least 20 students. The more one on one help the students have, the more they will improve in their skills. Some children don't have a parent at home that is able to help them in one or more subject areas. You may make the difference in a child's life. If you don't have time to come into the classroom, ask the teacher if they have any cutting, sorting, or stapling that you can do.
Posted by: J | Oct 29, 2007 7:24:38 AM
I've had some great experiences volunteering in my kids' classrooms, or in support of their school activities. The best of these experiences (and thus probably the best for making new connections with others) were those that combined expertise or enthusiasm of mine with a teacher's interest or need.
That's pretty abstract, so I'm including some examples to help others imagine how they would enjoy contributing.
The starting point is an exploratory dialogue with the teacher, to identify or brainstorm something that would be useful and interesting. It might start out something like "Say, would the kids enjoy X? It's something I've been enjoying a lot lately, and would enjoy showing them if that could fit into your plans." My point is, you don't have to rely on the teacher to put you to work; but the teacher doesn't know what else you might have to offer until this discussion begins. Also, you need the teacher's expertise on presenting a topic or activity to a particular age group. The teacher will enjoy helping with this.
I'm sure these presentations made a huge impression on at least some of the kids involved, and provided the teacher with some new, exciting cross-pollination for his or her lesson plans. They gave me a chance to share things that I particularly enjoyed, and they gave students a chance to see and share that enjoyment.
Once upon a time, kids saw their parents farming, or lived above where their parents made shoes, or whatever; and they grew up knowing a lot about certain kinds of work, about how things were done, and how they were made. Now they spend years isolated from those things, in schools. The good news is that they don't work in mines or die in industrial accidents. The bad news is that they don't understand a lot of connections. They can drink soda all day, and not know where soda cans come from. (I explained this relationship when taking high school kids through an aluminum rolling mill. Jaws dropped.) They don't know how some foods are made, or where ingredients come from. I don't believe in vocational education for 12-year-olds--I don't even understand how an 18-year-old can pick a college major--but I do believe that a culture in which stuff just magically appears is on thin ice.
Here are my examples:
The first thing I tried, for a preschool class, was making homemade ice cream. I did the cooking and mixing beforehand, for the most part. The action was in freezing the stuff, with a hand-cranked ice cream freezer. All the kids had eaten ice cream, but none had actually seen it made. There was plenty of physical activity, and a line of kids waiting to take a turn. It was my oldest son's birthday, and he was a day away from having a little sister, so special acknowledgment of his birthday seemed important. If that meant ice cream, every kid around was happy to participate. Supplies: kitchen equipment I already had, and a few dollars' worth of additional flour, etc. The ice cream freezer cost me $5 at a garage sale.
Another preschool success was showing the kids how to make bread. A small kitchen made this easier. Any quiet spots in the presentation were filled quickly by questions and comments. Again, everyone had eaten bread, but no one had made it. The thing that really helped this work in preschool was dividing up the dough when it was ready to be kneaded. This gave the whole event some very physical, tactile punctuation. There were several short operations separated by long periods (long to a preschooler, at least), so attention span was not a big problem. We were able to bake the bread in time for snacks! Supplies: equipment I already had, and some extra groceries.
Preschool bonus: I could not get those kids off me. When I finally got a chance to sit down, and realized how much energy I'd spent simply keeping up, some of them were still following me around: telling me about their older brothers and sisters, their pets, their parents, their favorite things.... Later I guessed this was because the preschool environment is usually devoid of adult males--leaving kids in a peculiar vacuum for much of the day. Mothers are wonderful in preschool, but men, your efforts can be downright exotic. It may be sad and unfair that you are appreciated for this, but that's all the more reason to not let it stop you from doing something.
The bread project was also a hit in kindergarten. School rules did not allow students to eat homemade food; as I recall, the teacher winked at this, since the bread had been "made" in the classroom. I took it home to bake it, and returned with warm loaves.
Projects like these could be tailored to older kids, as well, by discussing relevant background. For example: Why is some of the flour brown? That's whole wheat flour. What's the difference? Well.... Where does wheat come from? Is the yeast alive? How does it work? What are some other kinds of bread, from other countries? Does everyone eat wheat? Why do you put salt in the ice to freeze ice cream? (It could turn into a high school chemistry lesson if you had the knowledge, or worked closely with the teacher.) And so on....
Employers may support classroom presentations. A few years later, my wife explained communications satellites to school children. Part of this involved getting most of the kids to stand in a circle on the playground, with a few kids (the satellites) "in orbit" outside the circle. The kids got to see how you could bounce a signal off a satellite to another part of the earth; but also how you needed more than one satellite to reach some places, from wherever you might be. My wife's employer provided posters, brochures, and other goodies to support this. Supplies: donated by employer.
As the aluminum rolling mill example suggests, maybe your employer can help by hosting a field trip. Sometimes it's easier to bring the kids to the experience, than it is to bring the experience to the kids!
Recently, my wife and I wanted to share our youngest son's saxophone prowess with far-flung relatives. This might be the most helpful example, because it shows how a private pursuit turned into a way to give teachers and students substantial support, almost as an accident or afterthought; and because it's easy to see some networking potential.
We didn't do the obvious thing, and buy a camcorder. I think I was humble enough to feel that no one wants to actually watch a video of a school music performance; but also proud enough to think that people might actually want to listen to it, possibly more than once. Also, for some reason, we just thought of the whole issue in terms of sound, from the start. This is relevant, because it led us to a unique niche, which created openings later. There might be a couple of hundred camcorders in action at a performance, untold numbers of digital cameras taking grainy images in low light, and a couple of parents carrying professional grade cameras and multiple lenses; but no one focusing strictly on sound, recording and editing files that can travel on CDs and iPods, be downloaded from websites, etc. Finding this niche was a lucky accident for me, but something you can look for.
What we did, reflexively, was to ask anyone who might know something about it, how to record sound. We ended up with a tiny digital device, an extra memory chip capable of storing about six hours' worth of better-than-CD quality sound, a stereo microphone, and a small microphone stand. I downloaded very capable open source audio editing software for free, and I already had the laptop to run it on. I had a pair of headphones I could use to monitor the incoming signal now and then. (This was very important the first few times, when I didn't always remember to flick the separate power switch on the microphone!) The new equipment probably cost more than a cheap camcorder, but definitely cost less than a fancy one.
Et voila! I had a mobile recording studio!
This hint may be useful to some: At first, I felt shy about arriving early, sitting in front row center (after finding too much echo farther back), and setting up the gear. However, if there is any place to hide borderline obsessive behavior, it's in the middle of a lot of parents whose kids are onstage. Whatever you do, it will blend right in.
After the big, blow-out, end of the year jazz performance, the teacher stepped off the stage to chat with people. I was in front row center, coiling up a cable or two and knocking down the microphone stand. The performance was in an auditorium at the local university. There was a projection room up behind the seats, with electronic equipment in it, and cables snaking all over the place. The high school music program has been rated as one of the best in the country. Surely every note was being recorded, with fidelity beyond my power of imagining. I had a sinking feeling that maybe I should have saved my money, and asked how to get copies of the school's recording.
Except the teacher buttonholed me. "Did you record that?" (He recognized the gear; he'd recommended the specific recorder to my wife, when we were asking around. He called it "the truth machine.")
"Yes...is that all right?"
"Thank GOD!"
It turned out that the university always provided a recording engineer, but he hadn't shown up for some reason. Since then, I've observed that recording engineers are conspicuous by their absence. Often there are no arrangements; these people cost money, after all. Or if there are arrangements, the recording engineer has been taken ill with dengue fever, eaten by an alligator, electrocuted by his own equipment....
I felt that I had saved the performance from oblivion, which was very rewarding: like pulling a rare manuscript from the fire. More immediately, my recording gave the kids a way to hear their own performance; something that they apparently get only rarely. Now I make a point of recording all the performances I can attend, and feel that I'm making a very important contribution to the school and the kids. I'm on a mission! For their part, the teachers make a point of not taking me for granted. (One of the first emails I got this morning was to thank me for the recording of last Thursday's performance, which my son had delivered an hour or two earlier. Before 8:00 AM, Symphonic Winds had already heard most of their performance.) It just makes me more committed.
I now enjoy cordial relationships with two of the high school music teachers. As Mary pointed out, it's got to be good for our kids to see us model humane relationships with teachers. I think it's also got to be good for our kids to see that their parents are capable of initiating and building such relationships!
As far as networking goes, there are other ways to use these recordings, which may draw me into collaboration with other parents. For example, some could be made available for downloading from the website, or the Music Boosters could put some CDs on the table next to all the t-shirts and other fundraising swag (depending on copyright issues, of course). Because of the technical aptitude involved in making the recordings, the jazz teacher asked if I might be interested in maintaining the music program website. (This was a lucky guess on his part. Lately the mix has been mostly database applications, software QA, etc.; but he wasn't too far off the mark.) This would lead to conversations with other parents and teachers, and might even have some business leverage, eventually.
All these things happened before I read Keith's book. How would I do them differently now? In the last case, I would not have waited for the teacher to ask me if I'd been recording! I would have contacted him as soon as I realized the capability I had, to see if I could do anything for him.
Now that I have read Keith's book, what will I do next? (Again, I'm hoping that examples will provide fuel for other people's ideas.) First, I'm going to pick up the phone and move the website question ahead a couple of steps. If I get involved, I'll be able to apply a proposal I'm developing for another organization I volunteer with, as a board member. (In that case, the actual execution might get shopped out to a local high school, so there's another opportunity for involvement with students showing up!)
I discovered that a friend's PR firm is ahead of me in implementing parts of my draft proposal, thanks to good taste in hip, creative interns. When we have lunch in a few days, I'll ask him to tell me more. However, I've proposed things his interns haven't thought of, and can offer him these ideas. I will probably help my friend with many questions about how some of these things work, and we'll imagine how they might serve a hypothetical client's interests. I'll copy my friend on my evolving proposal; and I'll mention that if I can help him write some ideas into a proposal for a client sometime, I'd love to.
When I take my proposal back to the board, I'll explicitly acknowledge my friend and his PR firm for helping me articulate some of the ideas, introducing them to the other board members. Some of these people have many community and business relationships. As the proposal generates additional discussions, I'll invite my friend to drop in, participate, and meet some of the group. If he can make it, it lends legitimacy to what I am suggesting, and helps everyone develop a consensus; and he'll be there expecting to get some new ideas about using some of these ideas. If he actually speaks up, he'll really enrich our efforts.
There are other directions to explore, as well; and a couple I already have. (It makes Ferrazi Time easier to understand!)
So...by all means, ask teachers what you can do for them! But don't hesitate to offer topics or skills that you happen to be enthusiastic about. You may be able to follow your blue flame through your child's classroom.
Posted by: Jacob Dickinson | Oct 29, 2007 11:53:41 PM
I like this weeks tip and the other tips as well. What makes it hard for me to fully enjoy those insightful recommendations is the fact that even though self help literature and its kind of useful books; seminars and poaple trying to share knowledge with there mankind. The exposure of those fantastic tips is limitied to a small cirle of poeple in the World.
Regards/Younes/Paris/30 of October
Posted by: Younes | Oct 30, 2007 8:49:51 AM
Keith, your tip this week is on the spot! My work requires me to connect in order to help our newer charter school grow. Even though we are a public school, we still need to recruit students and promote our program. This year, we found that 80% of our students came to us through a word of mouth recommendation by parents of students that were already enrolled! Not only being supportive of school faculty, but the school in general can help make a student feel good about where they attend. Their improved attitude as a result can make the school days go even smoother!
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