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Tip 117 - Zip it!
Below is a snippet from this week's Tip of the Week:
"Admit it: You like to gossip. Who doesn't? Gossip is popular for the same reason that shows like Desperate Housewives
are hits. It's cheap entertainment that lets us escape into someone
else's problems rather than confront our own. Gossip is often a form of
schadenfreude - delighting in someone else's misfortune.
You might be thinking, "That's not me, I don't do that."
Maybe you don't, but I bet there has been a time you've used gossip to
curry status at work or in other peer groups. Information is currency.
You might feel that by showing others you're "in the know" on the
latest gossip, you're upping your place in the pecking order.
Resist that urge."
To receive the entire tip moving forward, please sign up for my Tip of the Week.
Posted by Keith Ferrazzi on May 6, 2008 | Permalink
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Comments
Excellent tip. About 10 years ago an observant Jewish friend informed me of the same concept in Judaism called 'lashon ha'ra' (literally:bad tongue) which forbids gossip as it is a collossal waste of the limited amount of time we have on the planet. An activity that leads to nothing positive. I have found this to be one of the most informative and liberating "tips" I have ever learned. I urge you all to try it.
Posted by: Amos | May 6, 2008 1:59:45 PM
Crucial advice! And so hard to follow---even with the best intentions. I wrote it on my daily "to-do" list months ago and I still must recite "guard my tongue" each day in order to remember. I confess it is a struggle.
But, I keep this in mind:
Proverbs 26:20 (NIV) "Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down."
Posted by: Sandy McKee | May 6, 2008 2:12:12 PM
Well written Keith. I've only read it better once:
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
Posted by: Jeff Scurlock | May 6, 2008 2:17:05 PM
Always remember, and never forget, you don't have to defend what you don't say.
Posted by: linda | May 6, 2008 2:20:24 PM
Great suggestion. And great comments from your readers.
Posted by: Mike Chapman | May 6, 2008 2:29:07 PM
The Cubmaster in our town got himself into trouble with the Boy Scouts. He eventually was booted from the job. A member from the Boy Scouts council came down to hold a hearing with us. The Policemen’s Benevolent Association owns the charter so the cops were there. This guy from Council didn’t mention the Cubmaster by name. He was only legally allowed to tell us that the Cubmaster was no longer with us. The ex-Cubmaster could have sued for defamation of character.
That meeting left an impression on me. I was in a room with the top cops from town and all of the concerned parents. It reminded me of the importance of discretion.
Posted by: rich | May 6, 2008 2:29:16 PM
I loved the Tip on gossip. What a wonderfully positive message. Another reason why TV is no t your friend. I see gossip as the transmission of a terribly destructive virus that that unfortunately infects so many of us with "stinkin' thinkin'".
Your practical advise on this subject is so needed. A change from negative to positive is so often a matter of simple awareness in practice. I too come from humble beginnings and have achieved great success founded on many of the principals that I leaned from your book, as I have studied it for years. Thanks a million times.
Best,
Philip Dursey
International Liaison
Premier Heart, LLC
Posted by: Philip Dursey | May 6, 2008 3:14:30 PM
As in The Four Agreements: Be Impeccable With Your Word. Easy to think it is a good idea, but requires diligent practice, with many a slip up. Thank you for this reminder.
Posted by: heather | May 6, 2008 4:48:00 PM
As a reformed back biter, I can only begin to describe the liberation that comes with keeping negative opinions silent.
I have noticed over the years since I began weening myself from wasting time with gossip, a significant decrease in the paranoia and anxiety that others could be judging me in my absence...and even if they do, than I will let their actions speak louder than their words!
Great note Keith...and I especially appreciated the note on Buddhists who promote each others positive side...again, its a great boost to one's self esteem and good will among everyone!!
Cheers for Years!!
Posted by: Shawn Gillis | May 6, 2008 5:39:20 PM
I do appreciate this helpful tip. It is so true how wasteful and distructive this can be.
Along the same line of thinking, over the last several years I have constantly reminded myself along with reminding my wife that comparing each other or our relationship to others or others relathionship is not a constructive activity for the following reasons.
1) Each person and relationship is different. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We should always look at our strengths and be encouraged and look at our weekness and say lets do better.
2) When comparing sometimes you are looking at others and saying well "I or we don't do that" and it is just another form of putting someone down rather than helping them be better.
3) Sometimes when we are comparing we are trying to invoke change but I think many times it comes across as a put down because what is really being said is "look this person does this or that and they are such wonderful people, why can't you be like that."
I definately believe that we would all be better off if we took the high road and did the right thing by encouraging each other to be our best and help those in need. We never know why people behave the way they do until you take a walk in their shoes or get involved in helping them.
Keith, your words of wisdom are always appreciated. Keep up the good work.
Posted by: Durant Rodrigue | May 6, 2008 7:51:54 PM
Gossip is actually a product now. It is bought and sold and advertised. I was listening to the radio last week, and they were doing an ad for Nascar. The announcer stated something along the lines of "for all the latest Race-day news and the hottest gossip, tune in". It made me sick to my stomach. Gossip kills the workforce. It is a destructive force in any business or personal environment.
I listen to Dave Ramsey often. He owns his own business, and he has a "no gossip" rule. Gossiping is an offense that can get you fired in that company, and yet people clamor to get in! They are rated one of the best places to work in town! I for one would LOVE to work in a place where gossip was illegal, and if I ever start my own business, it's a principle I will adopt.
If you read the book of Proverbs, you'll find MANY examples where we are told not to gossip. A while back I realized that God is smarter than me. If He says I shouldn't gossip, there is probably a good reason for it, and I'd do well to listen.
Posted by: Matt Tennison | May 7, 2008 10:49:32 AM
I dislike gossip so much that when I began reading the article "ZIP IT" on gossip I thought of unsubscribing 'til I read on. This article has a great slant. I have a screenplay in development about how damaging rumors can be, entitled "Rumors of Worth," it's the ending that lives up to the title.
"ZIP IT" reminds me to watch my mouth for "In the tongue lie all the powers of heaven and hell."
I like the comments too about "ZIP IT" and have gained good, noteworthy, positive perspectives herein as well.
Thank you all, peace,
Harry
Posted by: Harry | May 8, 2008 11:04:06 AM
That is very well put Keith, I agree with it totally, I found in my day when I was listening to gossip or even feeding into it myself, I would start feeling anxious and uncomfortable, I consider it a blessing now that I can't get away with gossiping. I also like the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt.
Posted by: John Cecconi | May 10, 2008 7:34:13 AM
If only I'd read Keith's tip sooner. I am guilty of using gossip to curry favor, and now it has come back to bite me in the rear. I made an off-hand remark to someone about another department's work hours, and the comment made it to them.
So now there is an unmistakable tension in the air, and I find myself most days working with my door closed to avoid the uncomfortable interaction.
I would greatly appreciate any advice on how to work past this. The department head and I have never gotten along well, so I'm not confident the direct approach will work.
Please help!
Posted by: H | May 20, 2008 1:33:02 PM
