never eat alone blog

Tip 133 – Connecting Outside Your Circle

This week's Tip teaser:

Many of us have no trouble making connections in a room of people who are just like us – we feel comfortable, we feel confident, we know what to say. We’re reasonably sure that many of the people we meet could become friends.

But what about when it’s time to meet and connect with people who you think aren’t like you at all? This came up in my mind this week while thinking about what it’s like to transition a virtual relationship into the real world...

Got a success story about a time you made what you would have thought was a most unlikely friend? Share it!

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Don't Forget Your Family! from guest poster Dayna Steele

Today we have a guest post from Dayna Steele, author of "Rock to the Top: What I Learned about Success from the World's Greatest Rock Stars, about how her editor's brother helped her win the cover of Reader's Digest.

Don't Forget Your Family
Dayne Steele

“Relationships are everything.” That’s what tennis great Billie Jean King (who probably never eats alone unless she wants to) started a speech with in Houston a few years back. I was the event emcee and that simple statement was so strong. We all shook our heads up and down and marveled at all she had to say following that statement about relationships and networking.

However, what amazed me that day and still amazes me as my speaking career begins to grow around the country, is how many times all of us forget that that philosophy not only applies to business partners, clients and co-workers, it also applies to friends and family.

Out of everyone in the world who knows you and has heard of you, your friends and family are your biggest supporters and want to see you succeed beyond your wildest dreams. They love you. They know you. They support you. Most of them even genuinely like you.

But do they know what you do? Do they know what you need? Really? Are you sure? Have you told them? Other than your mother, none of them can read minds. How can they help if they don’t know what you need or what you want?

Operation National Anthem is a perfect example. It is a website I created to encourage people to pay attention at sporting events during our National Anthem. Just a side project I felt strong enough about to create a website and some videos. Once the website was done, I sent a note to friends and family asking them to pass the website on to others. That was it. No press release, no big splash, no advertising, no blogs. Just a simple website with a simple request to friends and family.

A year later Reader’s Digest called to say they ‘might’ feature the website in a future issue. When asked how they found out about it, the editor replied “my brother knows you and forwarded your email to me a year ago – I’ve been holding onto it waiting for just the right issue.” In May 2008, I was featured on the cover of the Best of America issue of Reader’s Digest as one of “35 People Who Inspire Us.”

All because I let friends and family know what I was doing and what I needed.

Dayna Steele is the author of "Rock to the Top: What I Learned about Success from the World's Greatest Rock Stars, motivational speaker and media consultant/entrepreneur.

Musical Interlude

This singer is an old friend who came along with his brother to our sing-ins. Great to see them make it in a tough biz!

Zen Passion

Do you know the blog Zen Habits? The writer is Leo Babauta, from Guam. He posted some awesome how-tos around finding and creating work you're passionate about. A teaser from "how to seek your passion":

• Break out of your routine, and dare to ask. You’ve got to stop what you’re doing (maybe not at this moment, but today, or tomorrow, not next week) and be bold enough to ask yourself if you love what you’re doing. And if you don’t, then what is it you really love? And if you don’t know, then are you going to look for it?
• Spend time thinking about it. It’s good to take an hour or two to really think about the question. It’s worth the investment. Really think about what you love, about your life, about what you want to be doing.

Zen Passion

Do you know the blog Zen Habits? The writer is Leo Babauta, from Guam. He posted some awesome how-tos around finding and creating work you're passionate about. A teaser from "how to seek your passion":

• Break out of your routine, and dare to ask. You’ve got to stop what you’re doing (maybe not at this moment, but today, or tomorrow, not next week) and be bold enough to ask yourself if you love what you’re doing. And if you don’t, then what is it you really love? And if you don’t know, then are you going to look for it?
• Spend time thinking about it. It’s good to take an hour or two to really think about the question. It’s worth the investment. Really think about what you love, about your life, about what you want to be doing.

Tip 132 - A How-To Wiki from KF Community

This week I'm sharing the entire Tip of the Week -- usually only available to subscribers -- with my blog audience as a way to introduce you guys to KF Community.

Tip 132 - A How-To Wiki from KF Community

This week I have been so impressed and humbled by the ideas shared on KF Community - not just by their generosity, but by their quality.  As a community, you are accomplished, insightful, and funny - so much so that today's Tip of the Week is a Q&A compilation of some relationship-centric wisdom I've gleaned from the site. Thank you all!

Warmest,
Keith

How can I become more social?
"Charismatic behavior can be learned, just as anyone can learn to dance. Some have the natural grace and balance to do it beautifully, others not so much. We can all learn the mechanics. To become 'more social' you must purposely put yourself in social settings frequently. Exposure is the only sure way to watch, learn, and practice the skills. You could start by participating in situations that have zero to do with your career. That will lesson the impact of any faux pas. Asking a friend to attend with you can help ease your transition. Don't talk about yourself unless asked, then be straight and to the point. You can talk all day, say nothing in the end and leave your audience indifferent."
Robin, entrepreneur - Diamond, WV

How can I step out of my comfort zone?
"Go into a subway and sing a song so that everyone can hear it. I did it in Munich this summer and people applauded when I was done and I felt like I could do anything in that moment. Or hold a speech in a subway or a train or any public place with many people."
Bastian Kroehnert, student and entrepreneur - Breckerfeld, NRW, Germany

How can I deal with someone who takes advantage?
"I don't think 'don't keep score' means to let people walk all over you. Remember, a key piece of NEA is that you pursue relationships first and foremost on a human, connection level. You're not getting to know someone just so you can 'leverage' them someday...But the overall balance affects the natural part of relationship formation. Let's say I'm always hanging out with Sally, being generous and free with my time and resources. If Sally starts to expect that and treat me as if she's entitled to mooch off of me and doesn't seem to be engaging emotionally in the relationship other than to get something, then I'll gradually stop spending time with her and put my attention elsewhere...Maybe the one sentence summary is: over time, only hang out with people you find yourself wanting to be generous with."
Stever Robbins, coach, consultant and podcaster - Cambridge, MA

How can I get my business partner to pull his weight?
"The first question is, what result do you actually want? Do you want him to work 14 hours a day (not a good goal in itself)? Want him to just be a silent partner? Stay as a little brother? Be able for him to inherit your job? Second question, what does he want? He's interested in investing money, but not time, so what's he investing his time in?
      Once you've answered these two questions (to someone you trust and get advice from, so they are able to ask clarification questions), I have a challenging task for you: Give him his own domain or project. Do the bare basics of setup, then pass it to him and wipe your hands clean. Let it stand or fall on his behaviour only. Help him if he asks for it, but only with what he asks for. As I said, it'll be a challenge for you - probably much more for you than him... ;-)"
Mike Donk, training, learning, and play - Sydney, Australia

What do I do when my spouse wants one thing, and I want another?
"The secret to a happy second marriage is for both partners to marry someone whose ex- was so awful that the worse thing you could ever do, doesn't even make it on their radar screen."
Mark Goulston, Author of Get Out of Your Own Way - Los Angeles, CA

Haven't joined KF Community yet? Please sign up - and invite your friends and family!

Tip 132 - A How-To Wiki from KF Community

This week I'm sharing the entire Tip of the Week -- usually only available to subscribers -- with my blog audience as a way to introduce you guys to KF Community.

Tip 132 - A How-To Wiki from KF Community

This week I have been so impressed and humbled by the ideas shared on KF Community - not just by their generosity, but by their quality.  As a community, you are accomplished, insightful, and funny - so much so that today's Tip of the Week is a Q&A compilation of some relationship-centric wisdom I've gleaned from the site. Thank you all!

Warmest,
Keith

How can I become more social?
"Charismatic behavior can be learned, just as anyone can learn to dance. Some have the natural grace and balance to do it beautifully, others not so much. We can all learn the mechanics. To become 'more social' you must purposely put yourself in social settings frequently. Exposure is the only sure way to watch, learn, and practice the skills. You could start by participating in situations that have zero to do with your career. That will lesson the impact of any faux pas. Asking a friend to attend with you can help ease your transition. Don't talk about yourself unless asked, then be straight and to the point. You can talk all day, say nothing in the end and leave your audience indifferent."
Robin, entrepreneur - Diamond, WV

How can I step out of my comfort zone?
"Go into a subway and sing a song so that everyone can hear it. I did it in Munich this summer and people applauded when I was done and I felt like I could do anything in that moment. Or hold a speech in a subway or a train or any public place with many people."
Bastian Kroehnert, student and entrepreneur - Breckerfeld, NRW, Germany

How can I deal with someone who takes advantage?
"I don't think 'don't keep score' means to let people walk all over you. Remember, a key piece of NEA is that you pursue relationships first and foremost on a human, connection level. You're not getting to know someone just so you can 'leverage' them someday...But the overall balance affects the natural part of relationship formation. Let's say I'm always hanging out with Sally, being generous and free with my time and resources. If Sally starts to expect that and treat me as if she's entitled to mooch off of me and doesn't seem to be engaging emotionally in the relationship other than to get something, then I'll gradually stop spending time with her and put my attention elsewhere...Maybe the one sentence summary is: over time, only hang out with people you find yourself wanting to be generous with."
Stever Robbins, coach, consultant and podcaster - Cambridge, MA

How can I get my business partner to pull his weight?
"The first question is, what result do you actually want? Do you want him to work 14 hours a day (not a good goal in itself)? Want him to just be a silent partner? Stay as a little brother? Be able for him to inherit your job? Second question, what does he want? He's interested in investing money, but not time, so what's he investing his time in?
      Once you've answered these two questions (to someone you trust and get advice from, so they are able to ask clarification questions), I have a challenging task for you: Give him his own domain or project. Do the bare basics of setup, then pass it to him and wipe your hands clean. Let it stand or fall on his behaviour only. Help him if he asks for it, but only with what he asks for. As I said, it'll be a challenge for you - probably much more for you than him... ;-)"
Mike Donk, training, learning, and play - Sydney, Australia

What do I do when my spouse wants one thing, and I want another?
"The secret to a happy second marriage is for both partners to marry someone whose ex- was so awful that the worse thing you could ever do, doesn't even make it on their radar screen."
Mark Goulston, Author of Get Out of Your Own Way - Los Angeles, CA

Haven't joined KF Community yet? Please sign up - and invite your friends and family!

Announcing KF Community!

I am proud to share the launch of my new online community! KF Community is a global gathering of experts, entrepreneurs, and professionals who live by the belief that relationships and generosity power success.

I asked members to share the bumper-sticker version of their personal philosophy. So today, without further ado...

TOP TEN KF COMMUNITY BUMPER STICKERS

10.Do what you love first; leave time for the unexpected. – Carlene Byron, Director of Resource Development, Cary, NC

9. Disasters create masters. – Helmi Natto, Small Business Owner, Saudi Arabia

8. You Were Born an Original, Don't Die a Copy! – Blake Orr, Finance Student, Arizona State

7. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to DANCE IN THE RAIN.
– Eric Roberge (quote originally from Rose Eiff), Financial Advisor, Lynn, MA

6. It’s not the years, it’s the mileage – Stan Lim, Art Director, Los Angeles, CA

5. We are hurtling through space on a rock. Life is a blessing. – Bob Sheesley, Advertising, Portsmouth, NH

4. I intend to live forever.... so far, so good. – Chris Hemming, Denver, CO

3. Is this a dream or are we all just delusional? – Michael-ji, Massage Therapist, San Francisco, CA

2. Wag more, bark less – Kamran Popkin, Greenville, SC

1. What if the Hokey-Pokey really is what it's all about? – Dr. Ric Morgan, Professional speaker and writer, Gatlinburg, TN

Have your own great bumper sticker? Fill out a Community Profile to share it!

Here's my video introduction to the site:

Find more videos like this on Keith Ferrazzi Community

Announcing KF Community!

I am proud to share the launch of my new online community! KF Community is a global gathering of experts, entrepreneurs, and professionals who live by the belief that relationships and generosity power success.

I asked members to share the bumper-sticker version of their personal philosophy. So today, without further ado...

TOP TEN KF COMMUNITY BUMPER STICKERS

10.Do what you love first; leave time for the unexpected. – Carlene Byron, Director of Resource Development, Cary, NC

9. Disasters create masters. – Helmi Natto, Small Business Owner, Saudi Arabia

8. You Were Born an Original, Don't Die a Copy! – Blake Orr, Finance Student, Arizona State

7. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to DANCE IN THE RAIN.
– Eric Roberge (quote originally from Rose Eiff), Financial Advisor, Lynn, MA

6. It’s not the years, it’s the mileage – Stan Lim, Art Director, Los Angeles, CA

5. We are hurtling through space on a rock. Life is a blessing. – Bob Sheesley, Advertising, Portsmouth, NH

4. I intend to live forever.... so far, so good. – Chris Hemming, Denver, CO

3. Is this a dream or are we all just delusional? – Michael-ji, Massage Therapist, San Francisco, CA

2. Wag more, bark less – Kamran Popkin, Greenville, SC

1. What if the Hokey-Pokey really is what it's all about? – Dr. Ric Morgan, Professional speaker and writer, Gatlinburg, TN

Have your own great bumper sticker? Fill out a Community Profile to share it!

Here's my video introduction to the site:

Find more videos like this on Keith Ferrazzi Community

Some Wise Words from India's First Female Police Officer

I just learned about Kiran Bedi -- the cousin of one of my clients. She was India's first female police officer and introduced Vipassana meditation into the largest prison in the Asia Pacific region. She's the author of It's Always Possible: The Transformation of India's Largest Prison.

I found an interview with her online -- she's amazing. Here are highlights:

Q: Your book is titled It's Always Possible. How do you keep yourself so positively charged?

A: I think it's a training of attitude. The attitude is solidly entrenched. It has come through upbringing, constant awareness and conscious training.

Q: What has been your attitude to challenges?

A: I have really lived from match to match. Not to beat others, but to challenge myself. I set my own goals. And when I'm reaching a goal, I put it further away to see whether I can stretch myself a bit more. I was confident that whenever I put in that extra effort that hurt, I could realize that my hard work is paying. For no work is hard work till it hurts.

Q. How did you survive the innumerable controversies dotting your career—from arresting a lawyer to your daughter's admission to a medical college?

A. I don't back down from decisions that I think are legally, morally and ethically right. The moral strength of the decision gives me courage.

Q. You are known for your crusade to clean up a corrupt system. What makes you take up such an onerous responsibility?

A. I'm not here to clean up the world. I'm here to do my best for the day and extend my goals. But if I start thinking I've only done my little bit at the end of the day and the rest of the world remains unclean, I think I'm being unrealistic. I must do the job in hand which I'm authorized to do. And if I could do that well, that'll be making a difference.

The full interview is available here. I'd love to hear from anyone who has read her book or her biography, I Dare.